look behind the facade

this morning my dog woke us up at 5am... not a great start to roy's day but meant that i could get ready at a leisurely pace and still get into work on time.

while i was doing my make up a song from the musical jekyll and hyde popped into my head - facade. the reason that song popped in is the first two lines there's a face that we wear, in the cold light of day and it got me thinking.

in october 2009 i was re-diagnosed with depression and signed off work. this blog isn't about that but it's a bit of information that kinda helps to set the scene.

before i was signed off i wasn't really bothered about making much of an effort in my appearance for work, i loved doing my make-up and hair for nights out but work was just work.

i was off for 5 months, i went back at the very end of february 2010 and since then there has only been 1 day that i haven't worn make-up (and that was because i hadn't been able to cool down enough after the gym to apply any).

the thought of going in without make-up freaks me out quite a bit, actually the thought of going anywhere without make-up is pretty daunting.

so this is all seeming pretty insignificant and shallow however it got me wondering, how many of us actually show our real faces to the outside world.

i'm not sure if there's anyone in my life that i am 100% myself with. obviously there are people who know more of the real me that most but even they may not know everything.

i figure this is probably pretty normal but i'm not sure why we do this. i used to always say that i was happy with who i was and if people didn't like it then that was their issue, not mine.  i still believe that sentiment is true but since i don't let anyone know the real me then how does it really work?

i guess that this blog helps me be more open and honest since i'm letting people get to know me a bit but i clearly have to make more of an effort in person too. this year is about being happy and to be happy i have to be honest with myself.

i have my flaws, recognising them and doing something about them isn't easy but it is possible and i plan on doing as much as i can to overcome them.

and if you're interested... the soundtrack to jeykll and hyde is awesome and i recommend it to everyone!